This is my uncensored Tumblr. Welcome to every thought and emotion I have. I've been using this to keep up with my favorite tumblogs since I follow too many other people on my main one. I had to make this new Tumblr due to certain people stalking my 1st one. With that being said I want this Tumblr to be only open to those I want to read it. So don't give out my URL please! Enjoy my blog!
everything will be okay. this summer will be full of work, school, and spending time with people. i’m really hoping i do get that second job because i really need it. i just don’t have to worry about much. going to spend a lot of time with the homie that’s for sure. we are each other’s escapes which is nice. no worries and care free chillin all the damn time. i can see us just chillin rollin j’s, drinkin beers, and watching movies. i guess it’s just nice having someone around for me. i don’t feel so forgotten about and the heatbreak is numbed down.
every fucking time. when i try to move on and shit. i try to do thing that make me happy, but i always feel like something is missing. i try to flirt with other guys, but no.. you’re always on my damn mind. at the end of the day.. it’s always going to be you until i figure out how to let go and move on.
i just have to make it through this semester to prove to my family i’m not worthless. just 2 more weeks left then i don’t have to deal with anyone anymore. i’m better off alone. 2 weeks to make everything good with everyone i have unfinished problems with. 2 more weeks till i get to see some friends. 2 weeks to finish school with all i’ve got. 2 more weeks and i’m done with everything.
In bed and I can’t sleep. So I vent on tumblr via my phone. I had a nice day today. I went to see a late movie with Becca and we saw the 5 Year Engagement. It was a pretty good romantic comedy, but at parts I started to tear up. It wasn’t even sad and I just teared up cause it reminded me of things. Becca noticed and asked if I was alright and I blamed my allergies of course. I feel stupid aand pathetic. Like when I went to the airport to pick up my grandpa. Right when I walked in the airport I felt anxious for some reason and I didn’t understand why until we got to the arrivals gate. I saw so many people waiting for their family and friends. Then I saw a man waiting with a bouquet of flowers and a girl with a teddy bear and balloons. It just hit me..that was supposed to be me in June waiting. I just brushed it off and proceeded to drink my tea. It got worse when people started to get picked up. I saw so many damn couples run up to each other in excitement. I just wanted to cry so bad. After an hour and a half of waiting for my grandpa I felt just so dead inside. I’m just glad some of that went away when I finally saw my grandpa. Now I’m just laying in bed typing away on my phone and holding my panda. Im trying not to cry.Being heartbroken fucking sucks.
still at the end of the day i feel so empty and dead on the inside. falling outta love with someone is such a difficult thing to do. i try to keep myself busy. i go out, i do school work, i workout, and all around just trying to keep him outta my head. but then thoughts of all these possible reasons why he stopped talking to me pop into my head. he is probably talking to someone else, he is distancing himself from me so i can move on, he never loved me the way i love him so ignoring me is best, he doesn’t want anything to do with me.. i can go on and on too cause i over think too much which kills me. i suppose i’m just trying to move on, but it’s difficult. i just lie to myself. i tell myself that it was never a good idea to be with him. that i shouldn’t have fell for him. that he doesn’t love me and never did. this would have never worked out anyways and he just doesn’t give a fuck because if he actually gave a fuck he would talk to you instead of just liking all the shit on your social media sites. well.. yeah. idk. i’ve been trying to fill this void. not working out so well. he walked out on me again. leaving without an explanation. i guess i will always be that girl who is put on a shelf and is only picked back up whenever they fucking feel like it. shitty part is that i let people do that to me because i don’t want to lose them. i just feel so dead on the inside. well this is pathetic.
breathe, everything is going to get better. don’t mind:
- jordan still trying
- ricky giving up
- feeling left out
- feeling alone
- not being good enough
cause things are going to change. make change. don’t give up.
